"If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." Virginia Woolf

It's been a really long time since I've written a blog.  I've missed it, and whereas I know a lot has happened in that absence, I feel that I have nothing of interest to say.  I got a new job working as a Technical Writer/Editor for a company that makes and sells slot machines.  I write and edit the manuals for the main customer data-base, which is designed to manage casinos, slots, and hospitality data.  

 

I recently bought a home so a lot of my free time is spent working on that.  I am trying to garden which is sort of a challenge for me since I hate worms and I'm also not fond of these big red ants that like to scurry around me while I am trying to run from the worms.  I'm glad my neighbors are not judgemental.  The birds have also tried to make it difficult for me by building a nest in the one thriving plant that I have.  Now of course it is dying because they dug up the roots to help with the structure of their new home.  I take it as a compliment though.   See...this is how exciting my life is at the moment.

 

I have to get back to work at the moment, but I will write more later.   

 

I love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  This Christmas classic has it all:  cute talking deer, a skinny Santa, dentistry, and even a big scary snowman (no, not the one who sings Silver and Gold but the one who scares the shit out of everyone but then saves the day in the end).  Now, just because I love Rudolph, this does not mean I have embraced Rudolph's Shiny New Year, a film that was obviously made with the intention to upset people by using a baby whose ears are larger than a fork lift.  However, as I was flipping through the channels I couldn't help but stop and watch a few minutes of the movie.  While watching I noticed a strong resemblance between the New Year Baby and the one and only Christopher Atkins, the curly haired fool from the 1980 "hit" The Blue Lagoon.  Here, take a closer look.

The Whiney Hero of The Blue Lagoon



The "I'm supposed to be cute but am really quite scary" New Year Baby



How crazy is that?  I mean look at the limitless similarities!  They have the same play-doh hair, the same pissed off look on their faces, the same stance, and even the same color choice in diapers.  I don't think this was a coincidence.  If anything, Christopher Atkins saw Rudolph's Shiny New Year when it was released 4 years prior to his own film and demanded that he be modeled after the New Year Baby.  It's the only reasonable explanation. 

Oh, and the weather channel says that light snow is falling.  Yes, okay.  Sure it is.  And look, there goes Christopher Atkins and the Shiny New Year Baby skipping down the street holding hands.  Pssh.

I've decided that we don't sing enough in everyday life. Just coming from the movie Rent, it hit me. I never hear people simultaneously singing in the streets. And where is the dancing? I miss the dancing. Not that I remember there every being dancing in the streets, but it is certainly possible to miss something you never experienced, right? Like I have never played stick ball in the streets, but I think if I had, I would be missing it right now.

So, I've decided to sing everything. And dance to the wonderful music I will be creating. For those of you who know me and have heard me sing and seen me dance, I am deeply sorry, but this is just the way it has to be for awhile. You wouldn't want me to die without knowing what singing through life was like would you? I didn't think so.

So my life musical will be called Oodles of Noodles, because I think it is symbolic to my neurotic tendencies. The noodle is my brain of course and the oodles are the random things going through my noodle. And it is also what I had for lunch today so it works out from multiple angles.

If you didn't know, I just sang this whole entry. You betcha I did. I think I will go call Bill now because where he may not like the music he will be hearing, he will at least understand this desire to set my life to music.

There is a quaint family-owned Chinese restaurant about twenty minutes from where I live.  In just a short car ride, which is approximately five to six good songs randomly chosen by iGOD (or what the masses tend to call iPOD), you not only get pleasant service and great food but you also get the chance to be seated by an adorable ten year old who quickly hands you your menus and brings you hot tea.  That's right.  Child labor at its finest.  After this lovely girl gets you situated, you get to order a meal that includes about a month's amount of calories starting from soup and ending with the notorious fortune cookie for only $7.99 plus tax.  Which brings me to the focus of this entry.

Fortune cookies are not the same as when I was wee girl finishing up the scraps of the Poo Poo platter my brothers were told to share but demolished while my parents were busy eating their own meals.  Oh no, things are different now.  Before I go any further, I must say that I am probably the only person who cannot stand to actually eat a fortune cookie.  I take the fortune and pass the broken cookie to the closest person who will not question my lack of interest in the consumption of the so called tasty treat.  With that said, I cracked open my fortune cookie and passed the remnants over to my dinner partner.  I think my giving away of the cookies has resulted in bad luck but I can't be too sure and am not interested in testing its validity. 

Anyway, my fortune cookie had writing not on one side but two.  From what I remember of a fortune cookie, the fortune was usually written on one side and if it had writing on the other side it was normally lucky numbers.  Well this fortune cookie was different.  It had my fortune, which I will go into later, with about a hundred lucky numbers written underneath, and on the back, it had a little educational Chinese lesson.  My Chinese word to learn was "pot sticker" or pronounced in Chinese "Guo-tie."  My first question:  Why did Jason's Chinese lesson contain a word I could actually use which is "vegetable" and mine was something I didn't even think exsisted?  I mean, how often do you hear the word pot sticker used in a sentence?    I had never until that day heard of a pot sticker and from that minute on it became my obsession to not only find out what it was but to be able to incorporate my newly gained knowledge into my daily life.  I went home to look it up and found that a guo-tie (nice, huh?) is a dumpling filled with ground meat, vegetables, or other ingredients, that is browned on one side and simmered.  Other ingrediants?  Pretty shady sounding to me, but I won't go into that.   Ok, so I had established the definition of the word but still had yet to use it appropriately in a conversation.

Three days later I am at my Aunt's house discussing with my cousins my disappointment over receiving a lesson in something I will not be able to put to good use.  My aunt, nowhere in sight at the moment of the discussion, came out into the living room declaring her love for pot stickers.  Don't worry, she isn't a crazy person simply declaring her love for pot stickers.  She had overheard us talking.  Her declaration was made loud and clear so I am sure you can imagine the look of surprise on my face.  I mean really, who says that?  And with such fervor!  So I ask her, "you know what a pot sticker is?" and she gives me a very detailed and accurate definition making me feel like I should go back to school starting at kindergarten and work my way up to a world I am obviously not prepared for at this moment in time. 

Thinking I was through with pot stickers since I figured the only way that they would ever come up was through my obsessing over it in public or another relative realizing their passion for guo-tai, you can imagine my surprise when I was watching the Gilmore Girls and some special guest star declared that she wanted pot stickers in her meal.  What?  Are you kidding me?  Since when did pot stickers become the next macoroni and cheese?  Did I sleep through that lecture on foods not to be ignored.  I feel that I would not be going through this if I had just gotten a more simple word like "vegetable" or "stupified."

On to the fortune itself.  "Everything must have a beginning."  Well there goes my dream of starting pregnancy in the ninth month and giving birth to an eighteen year old.  Thanks stupid fortune cookie.  What next?  Are you going to tell me that coffee starts out as a bean? Or better yet, that a chicken is really a bird? 

Psshh.

Tonight I was going to return to mindsay with an entry that would knock everyone off their feet.  It was going to be creative and humorous as well as influential and meaningful.  Unfortunately this highly effective and beneficial entry will not be happening this evening for my day has been filled with insignificance.  All I can say is this:  if you thought grilled cheese and creamy tomato soup was a good combination, try creamy tomato soup with texas toast.  It is best to get the Texas Toast with mozzerella cheese on top.  I am just saying this so that you will have the best results.